Friday, 9 February 2007

The real problem

I think I might have found the root cause of New Zealand cricket's problems. Peter Roebuck gave me the first clue when he pointed out that:

Ten nations are deemed fit to play the game to Test standard. Among them, India and Pakistan suffered mutual slaughters on the day of their birth, and still fight over Kashmir. Sri Lanka continues to endure a civil war in its northeast. Australia and England are engaged in a war in Iraq opposed by other nations. Zimbabwe is governed by a tyrant. Bangladesh is impoverished. South Africa has only just started treating black inhabitants as equals. Save for cricketing purposes, the West Indies does not exist. New Zealand is the only peaceful place.

And as Orson Welles, playing Harry Lime, says in "The Third Man":

" Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock."

Clearly what the team needs is a bit of friction in the country. Perhaps we should try to convince Helen Clark to send the army off to invade Tasmania? Not only might the warfare provide the spark our team needs, but we could also annex Ricky Ponting at the same time.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Yes, invade Tasmania and annex Poofter Ponting PLEASE. I cannot stand the man personally. :-)