Ben on...Carry On at Lord's

You have to love the English and their love of double entendres. The cricket at the Lord's test has already faded from memory, but the match will still be remembered with a chortle because of this 30-second snatch of commentary by Christopher Martin-Jenkins.

Some of the New Zealand commentators had a go at their own suggestive commentary, but not with the same panache. Ian Smith's quip about Oram's level of arousal has attracted comments, whereas Jeremy Coney's exposition about Jesse Ryder practising pulling in the shower has rightly been ignored (and, in a completely different vein, I bet he's hoping his shocker on Ross Taylor will be too).

Ben on...updated honours board

Go Big Jake!

Year	Batsman	Country	Runs
2008	J.D.P. Oram	New Zealand	101
2004	M.H. Richardson	New Zealand	101
1999	M.J. Horne	New Zealand	100
1994	M.D. Crowe	New Zealand	142
1990	T.J. Franklin	New Zealand	101
1986	M.D. Crowe	New Zealand	106
1978	G.P. Howarth	New Zealand	123
1973	B.E. Congdon	New Zealand	175
	M.G. Burgess	New Zealand	105
	V. Pollard	New Zealand	105*
1949	M.P. Donnelly	New Zealand	206
1931	C.S. Dempster	New Zealand	120
	M.L. Page	New Zealand	104

Ben on...Vaughn and Vettori on the honours board

Despite the fact that the current test is heading for a likely rain-affected, dilatory draw, two players have earned honours: Vaughn's 106 and Vettori's 5-69 are the latest additions to the England batting and visitors bowling Lord's honours boards.

It is great to see Vettori's name being immortalised, even if it is in a meaningless (probably) test.

Here's the list of honoured New Zealand bowlers:

Year	Bowler	Country	Figures
2008	D.L. Vettori	New Zealand	5-69
1999	C.L. Cairns	New Zealand	6-77
1994	D.J. Nash	New Zealand	6-76
	D.J. Nash	New Zealand	5-93
	D.J. Nash	New Zealand	11-169
1986	R.J. Hadlee	New Zealand	6-80
1983	R.J. Hadlee	New Zealand	5-93
1978	R.J. Hadlee	New Zealand	5-84

And here are the batsmen:

Year	Batsman	Country	Runs
2004	M.H. Richardson	New Zealand	101
1999	M.J. Horne	New Zealand	100
1994	M.D. Crowe	New Zealand	142
1990	T.J. Franklin	New Zealand	101
1986	M.D. Crowe	New Zealand	106
1978	G.P. Howarth	New Zealand	123
1973	B.E. Congdon	New Zealand	175
	M.G. Burgess	New Zealand	105
	V. Pollard	New Zealand	105*
1949	M.P. Donnelly	New Zealand	206
1931	C.S. Dempster	New Zealand	120
	M.L. Page	New Zealand	104

Little joys

It’s the little things that make following cricket at Lord’s such a joy. Little things like hearing David Gower lament that the English bowlers could not roll a batting line-up as weak as New Zealand’s in conditions perfectly suited to their bowling. Little things like waking up to hear that England have been bowled out for 319, when the last thing you can recall before going to sleep was Strauss and Cook marching on while Nasser Hussain warbled on about batting conditions being so good that Michael Vaughan should look for a lead of at least 200 and to still be batting by the close of play. Little things like having pessimistic expectations and a few English egos punctured.

Let’s just hope that these little things and my joy can last for at least one more day.

Ben on...cricket royalty

I think it may be time to add King Cricket to the blogroll. He's the one on the right (courtesy of AYaLAC's Valentine special):



They love their King Cricket up in the northern hemisphere. It's even been featured in Wisden Cricketer. It's a good blog. I've just been too much of a republican to add it here. Actually, the main reason I haven't added it to the blogroll is because of my raging parochialism – it seemed to me that the king just didn't mention our little dominion often enough, even though we've been playing each other for the last four months. I may have been too quick to judgement however; a look at his "New Zealand" tag reveals the occasional hat tip to a New Zealand player (which is of course more than I've ever written about an opposing team). In fact one of his more recent posts was about Brendon McCullum.

The post that prompted me to pay more attention to the blog though was about replacing Shane Bond with some recently discovered alternatives. I'm pinching the picture of Ryan Shanebondom:

Ben on...new depths plumbed in journalism

I recommend that you do not read this article. It is wrong in so many ways and insulting to New Zealand on so many levels. Just don't read it. Read this instead – Prince Brendan McCullum one of the 5 most important cricketers.

Ben on...claws out in the comments

We don't get many comments at Mike on Cricket. If I make a poor post, there will most likely be no response (though I might possibly get JRod or Sportsfreak pop in to make a pithy comment, saving me some embarrassment). I should count my blessings. Check out the harsh comments in this blog. And here are some of the deleted comments:

3. At 8:01 pm on 14 May 2008, Rvvm wrote:

No offence, but I have no idea who you are.

Any chance you could get a journalist who has played the game at this level or at least has some knowledge of the game to write the next blog?

Cheers.

5. At 06:54 am on 15 May 2008, bonedoc70 wrote:

I agree with much of the above. Sorry to be negative but you appear to be describing the routine happenings of a build up to a game of cricket! It is the most banal piece of writing I have read in a world (wide web) that is overflowing with the trite and cliched.

"The groundsmen have been working on the pitch and the wicket since 9am and were still going around with a lawnmower at 4pm."

SHOCK! HORROR! READ ALL ABOUT IT.......LORDS GROUNDSTAFF DO THEIR JOB!

Did you speak to the groundstaff? What is the wicket going to play like?

"...........the caterers bring in all the beer, champagne and pies they will need while sponsors tents have also gone up."

HOLD THE BACK PAGE.......PEOPLE WON'T STARVE AT LORDS

Furthermore your piece is one large contradiction. Initially you state that England vs NZ is not "box office stuff" then go on to say "the excitement is building......bring it on" and there are "legends to be made". The next line I was expecting was "he was a slow left armer from the wrong side of the tracks who broke all the rules......this time its personal"

Hmmmm.....do you actually like cricket? Do you know anything about it? I am sorry to be negative but there was nothing of interest in your piece and it also sadly betrayed a lack of passion and understanding of the game.

6. At on 15 May 2008, edbaron wrote:

Is this the worst BBC sport blog ever written. Comments about the grass being cut and pie tents going up suggest this person won a Blue Peter prize to write about this blog. What does she know about cricket? Less than G Boycott's cat I would venture. If the BBC has stopped showing the cricket on TV at least have journos who know something about the game passing comment on it!

Mike Atherton on Dan Vettori

Ouch! As you might guess from the title of his column, "Daniel Vettori has failed to lead by example for New Zealand", Mike Atherton is not best pleased with Dan.

Ben on...anticipation

While the English press and the English players are boring us with their boring stories about how boring the England tour is going to be, a couple of Englishers are giving more nuanced opinions.

The Atheist proves that he alone in England has a memory by noting that it wasn't that long ago that there was little separating England and New Zealand. Recalling the last time the two teams met in a tour, too long ago for most to remember:

And what happened? We won some games here. They one some games there. It was like watching two lobotomised quadriplegics trying to play “flip the coin.” Of course, there could only be one winner in such a contest: the coin.

Miriam has made a delightfully optimistic and up-beat post about her joyous anticipation of the start of the cricket season (helped no doubt by the presence of a certain librarian). The first test will apparently be like "the first time you sleep with someone after you've both been anticipating it for months."

Speaking of Miriam and the Atheist: There is a lot to be said for anonymity in the blogosphere. We will all have seen the Atheist in his appearances in his series of blu tack re-enactments of matches. Knowing what he looks like doesn't impact on his posts. If anything, it gives them character. However, in an indescribable post, he has, in a way, given faces to several of his blogging friends. Apparently the zany pairing of JRod and Miriam over at Cricket with Balls are the cricket blogging equivalent of Peter Andre and Jordan:


The analogy is strangely appropriate, but I suspect that the image of Pete and Jordan will change my reading of the posts at Cricket with Balls.

New Zealand 'B' vs England, first test preview

Cricinfo is all over the first test. From stats, to the weather (wet) to interviews and tour diaries. It is not often that a New Zealand 'B' tour gets this much fanfare. I can't wait to see what sort of coverage Shane Bond and the rest of the 'A' team get when they arrive.

Sigh.

As my excessively heavy use of the 'B' team literary device and my tips over at Sportsfreak indicate, I am not particularly optimistic about our success on this tour. Even worse, even at this stage I am not particularly enthusiastic about it either. The two-faced treatment of Shane Bond; the defections of Lou Vincent, Hamish Marshall et al; the shabby treatment of Stephen Fleming - all these things have taken a toll on my love for the game. I know I will still be staying up to watch the first session on Sky. And I know my heart will still beat at a million miles an hour in the build-up to the toss. But right now any excitement lingers a long way behind some real bitterness.

Luckily none of that bitterness extends to any of the team. And once the real cricket starts, all the administrative blundering is just going to become a bad memory. So, as of tonight, my posturing and complaining about this being a New Zealand 'B' side is going to stop. The players with ferns over their breasts are my team, and I am going to damn well support them.

So out with the bitching, and in with the cheering. Go kiwi! Smash 'em McCullum! Show us yer cover-drive Ross! Rip out their stumps Tim! Go lads, GO!

Ben on...tips

Speaking of fantasy cricket, Mike and I have been drafted into the Sportsfreak tipping premier league, which has had its first round of tips for the NZ–Eng test series as a whole. (Look out soon for the first-test tips.)

We're running at a combined score of 0 at the moment, which isn't actually that bad considering the series hasn't started. We would be doing much worse except that Mike got a bonus point for doing some research, counteracting the penalty I got for my own, rather underhand, research (bloody Flintoff factor again).

As a matter of interest, here are the series outcome predictions (for NZ): 0-2, 0-3, 0-2, 0-3, 0-3, 1-1, 1-1, 1-1, 0-2, 2-1!!!, 1-1, 0-2, for an average of 0.5-1.83.

Ben on...the Flintoff factor

So Andrew Flintoff won't be playing for at least the first two tests. This will disappoint some commentators, but not others.

I gotta say, I'm not convinced by Flintoff. I know he carried England to Ashes victory and spent a couple of years at the top of rankings. But I picked him in a round of some fantasy cricket thing once and he got no wickets, so I ended up getting 0 points in that round and never recovered.