The end - at last

Journalist Malcolm Conn stated:

"The greatest blessing is that there is no third Test against New Zealand, preventing further ridicule and plummeting ticket sales."

No further comment necessary.

Australian hubris

Bloody hell, the arrogance found in the Australian is just becoming unbearable. Take a look at this extract from this morning's paper:

As Australia prepare to extinguish the final moments of this dreadfully lopsided Test series against New Zealand in Adelaide, news that Pakistan safely touched down in Perth last night should be greeted with a mixture of joy and relief.

However dodgy Shoaib Akhtar's action may be, this Test summer needs revitalising by the flamboyant Pakistani paceman and his largely unknown team-mates next month with a toe-to-toe contest the Kiwis have not been able to provide.

Completely outplayed in every department by one of the greatest sides ever assembled, New Zealand will resume this morning on the final day of the second Test at 5-149, needing a historically impossible 315 for victory or an act of God to force a draw.

Showers are forecast today but nothing that should prevent the Australians from a final mop-up operation to claim a 2-0 series win.

After taking the first Test in Brisbane by an innings and 156 runs little more than a week ago, it is a blessing that Australia's late return from conquering the final frontier of India prevented the scheduling of a third Test against the hapless Kiwis.

Instead there will be the inaugural Chappell-Hadlee three-match one-day frolic, beginning at Melbourne's Telstra Dome on Sunday, a welcome opportunity for the Kiwis to regroup in a version of the game more suited to their limited pool of talent.

There was nothing entertaining about yesterday. It was simply an inevitable grind towards victory by an imposing side that set up the game with a successful coin toss and some joyous batting on the first two days.

From the moment New Zealand captain Stephen Fleming called heads and was confronted with tails, the last faint flicker of hope for a contest evaporated in the baking Adelaide sun.

The clouds rolled in yesterday as if a blanket was being pulled over a lifeless corpse. Not even the floodlights during the final session could offer a glimmer of hope.

Continually whipping England has been a constant and relentless payback for all those Ian Botham-inspired years of misery when Australians could wistfully blame World Series Cricket and the South African rebel tours for some painful collective failures.

But it's one thing sticking it up the Poms as part of some century-old family feud and quite another belting your poor, defenceless little brother around the head.

This painful few weeks should be an ever stronger wake-up call to Cricket New Zealand and the International Cricket Council highlighting just how much work must be done around the world to bring opposing sides up to Australia's professional standards on and off the field.

Australia can hardly be blamed for taking the game to a new level of skill and professionalism, but if other teams cannot follow, the lack of competition may start to wear thin.

...

Doesn't the arrogance in that make your blood boil? I hope Jonathon Millmow takes note. Some of it seems remarkably similar to words he wrote about Bangladesh not that long ago. And the Australian should keep in mind that most of "one of the greatest sides ever assembled" is creaking with old age and that Australian dominance of the game is not going to last forever with so few youngsters challenging for positions.

Dipak Patel

A little aside in Cricinfo's stats corner this morning points out that of the all the all-rounders who have ever played test cricket, Dipak Patel has the worst record. Poor old Dipak, I remember when he first came into the side (against the West Indies in 1986/87) he was touted as the long-term solution to our problem at number 3 in the batting order. After a disastrous couple of years we realised that he wasn't much cop as a batsman, relegated him to number 10 in the batting order and stuck a ball in his hands. His first test wicket came at a cost of about 349 runs - and until he took a second, he held the world's worst bowling average. Apart from the opening-the-bowling trick at the 1992 World Cup and a 99 in a dead test, I really can't remember him ever contributing much to the side at all - so how on earth did he manage to play 37 tests?

Two different Aussie views

Peter Roebuck doesn't pity us, but he does remorselessly dissect our train-wreck of a tour. While Roebuck doesn't cut us any slack, Chloe Saltau in the same paper has decided to patronise us by proclaiming that half an hour of sprightly batting from Oram and McCullum heralds a New Zealand revival.

The headlines to these two stories tell it all - Feels like fulfilling obligations is Roebuck's view of the pointless mismatch, while Saltau proclaims that the Plucky Kiwis live to fight another day.

Australian pity

It seems that New Zealand cricket has sunk so low, even the Australians are taking pity on us.

The walking issue rumbles on

In contrast to the controversy which erupted when Matthew Sinclair failed to walk in Brisbane because he didn't see the slip fielder collect a low catch, has anyone else noticed the complete lack of interest in the Australian media when Matthew Hayden refused to walk off a completely straight-forward caught and bowled?

And will and umpire EVER give Adam Gilchrist out lbw?

A cure for our ills

The Sydney Morning Herald has the answer to all our problems - New Zealand should loot Australia's own overflowing pool of talent. In summary the SMH suggests that frustrated young Australian cricketers might be tempted to follow Sean Devine's track to New Zealand. Allegedly New Zealand Cricket has already pondered making recruitment drives to the subcontinent and offering talented young Asian cricketers a spot in our academy.

Second test preview

You get the sense that the Aussies are no longer aiming to just win against New Zealand, they are aiming to annihilate us in as short a time as possible. Ponting and his selection panel are playing just the one specialist spinner, Warne, and this is probably with the view that while the Adelaide pitch will crack and take turn on day five, the game is likely to be well over by then.

While you can hear the cockiness croaking out of Australian throats, the New Zealanders are being portrayed as a team under siege. The Australian press reported that McMillan abused a photographer who tried to snap him at practice and Richardson swore loudly and threw his bat when he nicked a ball in the nets. I suspect that this is probably just Australian arrogance manifesting itself ("we have those kiwis so beat that they are falling to pieces!"), McMillan is likely to abuse someone on the best of days and Richardson always places a high value his wicket. Certainly the players themselves have appeared clear-minded and focussed during interviews and are showing no other signs of strain.

In a way the first test failure means that the pressure has actually been taken off. No-one expects us to do well, so any defiance will come as a pleasant surprise. Last week I was feeling nervous as hell before the first ball was bowled, this week I am feeling fine. I suspect the New Zealand players might feel something of the same.

In team news, the Australians have picked the same twelve as last week and are likely to play the same eleven. New Zealand has brought in Franklin and Wiseman for Mills and McMillan.

Mark Richardson warming up for the only thing in Oz we might actually win.

Something to cheer you up

Actually, I have two things to cheer you up with. The first is the picture of Mark Richardson, and the second is the story it comes from. If you don't want to register to read the story (its in the Sydney Morning Herald), the short version is that Richardson is likely to challenge Darren Lehmann to the traditional end of tour running race and the biege brigade have already made him a green and gold running suit to match Richardson's classy outfit.

A new poll

In my last poll I asked you how well you thought the New Zealand cricket team would do in Australia. One voting bloc of four people (and I know who you are) tried to rig the results by all suggesting that we would win all our matches and Scott Styris would end the series as the world's best batsman and the world's best left-arm fast bowler. Sadly, that bloc failed to head off challenges from the pessimists who insisted we would lose every match and all our best players would be injured (6 votes) and the not-quite-so-pessimistic bunch who thought we would lose most of our matches but would show occasional bursts of defiance (5 votes). No-one thought that we would give Australia as good as we got.

This week you might get a slight sense of déjà vu. I want you to tell me how well will New Zealand do in Australia? Let's see if you are feeling any better or worse about the tour in light of the result in the first test.

Great minds think alike

Or it could be that the problem is just so bloody obvious. Mark Richardson's latest column for the BBC discusses New Zealand's second innings frailty.

Cowardice

Lynne McConnell as good as calls John Bracewell a big girlie blouse in a piece in this morning's Cricinfo.

What he says makes a little sense, but the fact is, the presence of Marshall and Butler would not have saved us. Selection is not the issue anymore. Our batting in the second innings is. The last four New Zealand losses have come in very quick succession and all of them are marked by dismal batting in the second innings. I suspect that the reason for this is not for want of different players or a lack of talent, but lack of a plan. We know what we should do in the first innings - in England the plan was to plant a platform and then attack, in Australia it was to grind out a total - but we never seem to have any idea what we are doing in the second. Our players seem to play a jumbled mix of half-hearted defence and half-hearted attack, and that is no recipe for success.

It was 30 years ago today

On 23 November 1974 - eight days before the start of the first test between Australia and England - Clem Jones, the Lord Mayor of Brisbane, noticed that the curator of the 'Gabba was rolling the pitch sideways. The Lord Mayor objected so strongly to this practice that he sacked the curator on the spot and took over the job himself. Jones' decision was vindicated as Australia won the match by 166 runs and went on to a 4-1 series victory. Perhaps in honour of this, the Lord Mayor later had a stand at the 'Gabba named after himself.

A 'keeper opens up

Come on people, where are your suggestions? You can't all have given up hope on the New Zealand just yet. While you are thinking, have a look in the Australian to read Ian Smith's views on cricket in New Zealand. It might cheer you up a bit.

Mr Fix-it

Okay. Let's forget the horrors of the weekend and start thinking about the future. The New Zealand team only has a couple of days to regroup for the second test. There is no time to call up replacement players, so what would you do to make sure we do better. And lets try to stay positive.

I think I would replace McMillan with Wiseman and bring Franklin in for Mills. I know the batting failed in the first test, but the top order has a big reputation and it is time that they lived up to it. We bat a long way down so can spare a spot in the batting order and Adelaide is likely to take spin, so Wiseman needs to come in. Mills did well with the new ball and then fell away badly, Franklin will give the attack more variation and more consistency.

Welcome

Welcome to "Mike on Music". I bought Jim White's new album yesterday, "Drill a hole in that substrate and tell me what you see". You might have heard Jim in his duet with Aimee Mann, the sublime "Static on the Radio" which appears on this album. The album is generally more gothic, lost and shambolic than the single hints at, and is none the worse for that. This is southern style Americana at its finest. Ah America, what a fine country. All that space. All those crazies. All those papers, television programmes and radio shows where cricket is not even mentioned.

Now New Zealand need to bat out the test

Let's just pretend yesterday didn't happen. Is anybody doing anything interesting this weekend? Its a glorious, sunny day here in Wellington so I plan on spending it in my deckchair reading Douglas Coupland's new novel in the sun before heading out to see "Hero" at the Embassy this evening.

Oram reaches his century.

The walking issue rises again

So do you think "the Australian" will follow-up this article about Matthew Sinclair frustrating "Australia's attempt to bring back honour" in the game of cricket with a feature on Justin Langer's failure to walk off a clear caught behind?